The First 10 Pounds

Do or do not.  There is no “try”. – Yoda

I haven’t had a chance to blog any updates in a while.  It’s still hard trying to juggle things, without having everything come smashing down in a disastrous pile of woe.

But I’m getting used to it.

I’m getting used to prepping my breakfast and lunch for the next day.  (Side note: Airdrie folk, do you notice your bananas getting brown very quickly? How do you staunch the tide of browning bananas?)

I’m getting used to late suppers.  I don’t have a microwave, or the time between work and evening responsibilities to make supper at a normal hour.  Dinners are usually cooked and eaten by 9:30 with bedtime shortly thereafter.  I don’t want to hear any, “that’s not good for you”, because I know it’s not ideal, but it’s the way it goes, and this is my journey, not yours.  We all have our different things we shouldn’t do, but have no other option.  Well, I guess my other option is going to Costa Vida for that yummy chicken burrito, but (and I won’t blame it solely on the burrito), that’s part of the problem that got me in this mess.

I’m getting used to the workouts at the gym.  There are still days where I feel uncomfortable while I’m surrounded by gym-rats who embody visually what I’d like to look at.  For their part, they’ve all been very nice and encouraging.

So I’m getting there.  This last battle of the mind was a decent one, with many shots fired, but I won.  (I had a mini cupcake at the end of the week, but I won).  I refuse to believe that I’m a bad person for eating a mini cupcake, or a homemade cookie.  That’s not a healthy way of looking at food either.  Food is not the enemy.  Lack of understanding, lack of discipline is.

The hard work has paid off.  I’m just two days away from my one-month weigh in, and I’ve already lost 10lbs.

Remember when I said I couldn’t see the forest through the trees?  I think I’ve found my viewpoint.  If I continue to lose ~10lbs a month, which is healthy, and the recommended amount, by the time The Courtship of Sarah Chandler goes up, I’ll have lost ~40lbs.  By the time my birthday swings ‘round, I could potentially have lost ~100lbs.  So that’s my goal.  Yes, I have an endgame goal, but it’s too far away, it’s too intangible right now; it could easily slip through my fingers and I’ll have lost.  But 10lbs a month is good.

I’ve learned some things about people going through this journey.  Things you can say, and shouldn’t say.  Encourage them.  Some people (myself included) often don’t know how to respond to encouragement, but we need it.  Yes, we’re doing this for ourselves, but we’re the last people who can see the physical changes in our body.  Don’t trivialize what they’re feeling.  If they’re momentarily feeling rough that they didn’t make their weekly goal, let them feel it.  It’s okay to deal with disappointment.  What doesn’t help is if you preach at them and remind them why they’re doing this.  We know, believe me.  We need to know that yes, it’s a bummer, but it’s just one week, or one day, etc.  In my experience, if I internalize something, it gives it so much more power, and I end up feeling much worse about myself.  So while my logical brain knows all the good this journey is, if I have a setback, regardless of all the awesome things that’s going on, I need to mourn that setback, get it out of my system, if you will, and move one.  Let that happen.  We can’t seek comfort from a double chocolate bar anymore, but let us keep our words.

Here’s a picture of me when we started, and a picture of me on Saturday.  I feel it’s too early to spot *all* the differences, but I’m starting to see some changes.  Change is hard, even when it’s good change.  I’m not always the best with unfamiliar things, so imagine when the unfamiliar thing is me.  Things get second guessed.  Strange, isn’t it?  This is what I want, but I don’t know what to do with it when I have it.

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Thanks to all of you who have checked in, and have been so supportive.  I couldn’t imaging have all these differing emotions and feelings and not having anyone to bounce it off.

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