History Channel’s The Bible: Passion

Did I promise you an answer to the question? – Godspell

And it’s over.  The last episode of The Bible aired on Sunday.  There’s not really much more I can say about this that I already haven’t said.  Again, I go to point form.  Bible nerds: I’m like Mark and not Luke, amiright?

  • Pilate does not say, “then crucify him”.  In fact, he did everything he could to appease his wife, and free Jesus.  So when he got the response from the crowd to crucify Jesus, he makes a big song and dance of washing his hands and saying, “I wash my hands of this.”
  • I don’t want to get into the biology of the whole thing, because there are much smarter people than me who can discuss, but I’m torn between the palms of the hand and the wrist.  Sometimes, a time machine can answer so many questions.
  • Anyone notice the gorgeous blue eyes of Stephen?  Meow.
  • Again, slo mo is used much too much.  Jesus (who admittedly did his best acting when he was being beaten/tortured) is carrying his massive cross up to Golgotha.  He falls three times, all of those times in slo mo.  Here’s what would have worked better in my opinion:  he falls three times, sure, but the last time, and the last time only is the slow motion fall, and that’s what gives the Centurion the impetus to call out Simeon.
  • Anyone else waiting for Ben Hur to give Jesus a drink?
  • The curtain at the temple didn’t just fall of its rack.  It was split in twain.  Know why?  To show that with Jesus’ sacrifice, Man no longer had to go through someone to reach God.  *cough cough Catholics cough cough*.  But, I suppose the symbolism was lost on Burnett and Downey.
  • I daresay Mary did not just go back to Galilee.  I think she hung out more with John.
  • What we didn’t see is Joseph of Arimathea taking the Grail cup and voyaging to England, thus establishing the Grail legend of the Arthurian Cycle.  Missed the chance for a spin-off.
  • Also, we didn’t see the Centurion heading to Hibernia and bemoaning his immortality, battling with Conor and getting locked in a chest and pushed in the bottom of the ocean.  (Oh, spoiler alert.)
  • Oh Paul.  Nice of them to give him a cursory mention.  No mention of the fight he and Peter had.  (I liked Peter better than Paul.  Always thought Paul was afraid of women.  But then, so was The Bible.) No mention of Titus, or Timothy, or the fight he and Barnabas had.  Or Paul’s prison escape or snake bite.
  • There were so much more gruesome deaths by the apostles.  Yah, Peter was crucified upside down.  Word has it; he did so because he said he didn’t deserve to die in the same way as Jesus.  One of them was even flayed.  Not going to lie, kind of glad I didn’t see that one.  I saw it on Buffy.  Once is enough.  Paul was beheaded, because he was a Roman citizen, and was subsequently afforded a death befitting a citizen and not a thief.

I am disappointed with this series.  The subject matter has such a broad scope they couldn’t expect to do any portion justice, could they?  To the next producers who say, “let’s tackle the Bible”, don’t forget:

  • Women
  • Other source documents other than the Bible.  You shouldn’t be afraid of knowledge.  God isn’t.
  • Land doesn’t look like it did back then.
  • English accents weren’t really a thing.
  • Not so many white people.
  • Not everyone had sparkling white teeth.
  • There were some stupid people in the Bible.  Don’t be afraid to tell their stories.  Hiding them is worse.

1 Comment

  1. Interesting thoughts! I appreciate the analysis – takes a close eye.

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