The Big Grump

“I’m not a dictator.  It’s just that I have a grumpy face.”
-Augusto Pinochet

Experts announced today an appearance of The Big Grump (TBG) in Northeast Calgary.  “We were surprised to see this species here, today,” Dr. Indra Sting told us.  “Typically, TBGs aren’t common in the spring and summer months as they are in fall and winter.”

When asked if this years long, cold winter had anything to do with this sighting, Dr. Sting only shrugged.  “Even our leading experts are baffled by appearances.  There never seems to be a rhyme or reason.”

TBG watchers are warned to keep their distance, as TBGs are volatile and could turn on a person very quickly.  We have heard of threats; being “punched in the tooth” is a common one, but police have assured us, there is no cause for alarm at this time.

TBGs disappear as quickly as they appear, but if you’ve missed your chance with this rare sighting, we have a few things for you to watch out for.

  • The next day after a long weekend, pale, unsteady, red-eyed TBGs can be found.  They are even more common after Victoria Day, Canada Day, Civic and Labour Day weekends.
  • Shifts in sleeping arrangements.
  • Being called “love” and “darling” by a shrill matronly busy-body will result in an appearance of TBGs.
  • Having that same busy-body press their bosom against any part of a TBG at any time.

Readers should know this is not a comprehensive list.  For more information, click here.


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