Aesculapius Say What?!


“No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors. Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable.” – House

I don’t like doctors.  Or dentists.  Or sharks.  Today I had to get some blood work and other tests done.  Back in the day, whilst I was a wee lass, I had to get a shot.  As the story goes, as soon as I saw the needle, I flipped.  I think that’s a medical term.  At any rate, it took much more nurses than it should have to inject a five year old girl.  Since that time, I’ve successfully (and one time unsuccessfully) given blood and received a kicking tattoo which is NOT a fern.  Blood tests went fine; actually it hurt a lot less than when I go to donate.  Unfortunately the other tests did not go well.  For the sake of ickiness, I’m just gonna say I missed.

Then comes this afternoon.  For the past week and a half I’ve been getting a lump in my throat when I arrive in the office.  Diagnosis?  Allergic to NWG.  Reality?  Probably a thyroid thing, but I go to my doctor anyway.  Blah blah blah, I have to get an ultra sound, but he swabbed me for strep just in case.  Cut back to 1998ish:  Labour Day weekend, the weekend before school and I’m sickly.  Miserably sick.  So off to the after-hours clinic I go, where the doctor tells me I probably have strep, but he has to take a swab.  This makes me terrified, because I’m afraid if he sticks that q-tip down my throat I’m going to barf all over him and me, and that’s just embarrassing.  So because I turn into a big baby when I’m sick and worried of humiliating myself, I start to cry, because that’s not humiliating.  He has me lie down and swabs me.  I didn’t barf.  Now return to 2011.  My gag reflex is heightened because of this lumpy deal going on, so he goes to swab me.  I start gagging and grab his wrist and pull his hand away from my mouth.  So he has to go back in there again.  Repeat performance.  Finally, on the 3rd try, he gets what he needs.  I didn’t barf or cry.  Progress!

I think I’m done with doctors for now.

 

Oh, and people in the old white hatchback: “vehicle trap” means your car will be trapped if you try to drive over it, but thanks for the memories.

 

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1 Comment

  1. I don’t “like” that you had that icky doctors experience, but I LOVE your blog!


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