Recent medical studies have shown the sudden loss of a moustache can have harmful side effects.  This has come to be known as perditusmystaxteria.  Experts have warned men (and tragically, some women) suffering from perditusmystaxteria may experience unexplained shaking, night sweats and an unshakeable urge to dine at Italian restaurants day in, day out.  They also reiterate, while men think they are now fluent in Italian, it is gibberish.  Do not attempt a conversation with an actual Italian.  You are no longer part of the facial brethren. Oddly enough, there have been cases where perditusmystaxteria sufferers have been able to communicate in their own language.  Further study is required.

Fear not men, for while there is no cure, there is treatment.  When the terror of perditusmystaxteria comes upon you, attach the enclosed prosthetic.  You will notice an immediate calm wash over your entire body.

Use whenever necessary.

Also included is a soul patch, because you never know.

Please be advised, these prosthetics are not covered under any medical plan.




  1. Best Present Ever! I didn’t know Xmas could come early so far south!

    • It’s the gift that keeps giving.

      You know I’m going to want to see a picture, right?

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