28 to Life

Have many of you been in this situation:

You take a test at school.  You feel like it totally kicked your butt, but when the marks come back, you got a B.  Awesome, right?  Considering you thought you were going to fail.  Elated, you go home and tell the unit.  Their response?  “What can you do next time to make it an A?”

OR

You work for about a month on figuring out the best supplier to save costs and increase service.  You have made your recommendation to your higher up and they are impressed – not only with the effort, but the new service company and the dollars it’ll save.  Elated you mention it to the executive assistant.  You then stand there for 5 minutes while she systematically picks apart your presentation and your joy.

I feel like I have been in a never-ending loop of such occurrences and there’s no immediate escape.  Oh sure, there’s temporary things like watching a good show/film, reading a good book, acting in a play, even writing a novel, play, or series. But when the movie is done, the book is finished, the set is torn down and you’ve written the last words, reality kicks in.  And the reality is, what I do is never enough.

And guess what that realization does to a person?  It decimates them.  It demolishes their dreams, which have already been demolished through years of, “you don’t have enough money to do that”, “you can’t do that”, “how are you going to make money doing that?”.  Because what does history do?  Repeats itself.  So what does this mean?  That novel?  No one is going to read it.  How am I going to make money from that.  My skills?  Not bankable.

But, I have a small glimmer of hope.  I have to finish the novel, the play, the series.  Because if I don’t get it published, performed or produced, I will be stuck in Hell-on-11th-Ave for the rest of my foreseeable future, and a person can only take so much disappointment, so much disrespect, so much anything before they completely lose sight of who they are in this world.

I need a hug.

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5 Comments

  1. Hey, it shouldn’t decimate YOU, it should show that she has some serious issues because she can’t LIVE without tearing you down to build herself up. Yeah, tell that to the person who has to continue to live with it, it’s still disheartening, and I know that’s only one facet of life, but it something!
    Despite what others say, people WILL read your work. We have matured (well THAT part’s debatable) in a world developing social media and delving into it with frenzy. The same people few people who would have read your book in the old days will still do it now, but will broadcast their ideas of it around the globe within minutes of finishing it. We will push our other friends into reading it and telling others about it too. We will Facebook, Tweet, Blog, text, IM about it. We can buy it for friends, we can get it on E-READERS. I can put it in my pocket on my phone.
    We are also in a world that’s recently obsessed with buying local. Another pro for ‘supporting the little guy’! And we all want to find the next great thing before anyone else. And be indie. For whatever reason, if you write it, we will share it. If we share it, it will spread!

  2. *HUGS* Kim…I miss you!!!

  3. Here is a CYBER HUNG, it’s the best I can do **%($)@)*%(#)#*($%()@#)#*%(#)$*)@)#)
    You are going to finish writing this novel and it WILL get published! And you WILL become a working writer where that’s all you do and you make MILLIONS! You WILL get out of the 11th Ave HELL!! If I have to drag you out kicking and screaming (but I imagine they will be shouts for joy) Don’t get down! You can do it! LOVE YOU!

  4. If I had picked up a random book at Chapters and the back read word for word how you described your novel, I would buy it! It sounds fun and interesting. I hope you wont let the people who have given up on their dreams and want to crush other people’s get you down. You rock!

  5. Sorry to hear about the BS still going on there Kim – I knew when I left, things would never change and I had the choice to change it, which I did.

    You will get published, you have a million fans standing behind you and we all believe in you!

    Here’s great big Cyber Hug *-()-*


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