Only In Dreams

“Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday.  Mawage, that bwessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam.” The Princess Bride.

I have a very active dream life.  Some lucid, others I just enjoy (or not enjoy) the show.  When I was younger, I used to have a recurring dream wherein I would wake up as my dad was just about ready to leave for work at Purina.  I would go from my room to my parent’s room, which was awash in an odd-coloured light.  Turns out my dad was an alien, but I’d only catch a glimpse of his profile as he was walking past the hallway.  Pretty sure there’s a picture of that alien in my or my brother’s Baby Book.

These days my recurring dream surrounds toilets.  In my dream, I have to go to the bathroom, but every washroom I find is not pee-worthy.  Perhaps there’s a flood, or I’ve walked into the mens and there’s no ladies.  Or, the toilets are too high and I can’t climb on, or all of them are full with unflushed waste.  Then there’s the ones with the too-small stalls and I can’t fit, or the stalls that don’t go high enough and people are looking at me.  Needless to say, I never end up going, but contrary to popular belief, I don’t wake up with an urgent need to go.

Back in 20 aught 4 or 5, I mentioned to my bestie I had the oddest dream: there was now a movie about penguins.  She and I laughed – who makes a movie about penguins just walking along?  Then I saw the preview for March of the Penguins.  I’m not saying I dreamt it into existence; I must have caught a glimpse of a preview in a less than conscious state, but thought it was so ridiculous I must have dreamt it.

Last night, the dreams were out in full and I dreamt I was getting married.  Huzzah and such.  My bridesmaids – who I’ve never met in real life – were very excited and made us all jewelry and a tiara for me. (I’m actually not much of a tiara person.) The groom’s mother – who was a cow (not literally) – sent me a Blackberry message saying the jewelry was ghastly and I couldn’t possibly wear them.  Interestingly, she was Anna Chancellor, who is very good at playing cowish women.  I basically told her to get bent.  Oh, and she didn’t want me to marry her son.  Off I go to the chapel, but what’s this?  The groom is dead?  That actually was sad.  Until I find out he faked his death so he didn’t have to marry me. What the aitch? Even in my dreams I don’t get the happy ending.


And finally to you, Mr. Jackwagon in the Honda Civic, who when you say my lane was ending and I needed to merge, sped up so I had to slam on my brakes and then held me up because you were turning left, watch out.  Because when I get a bush guard for my Kia Rio, you’re first on my list!

Unless, of course someone else pisses me off between now and the time I get said bush guard, then you’re bumped.



  1. Oh my goodness! The pee dreams haunt me! I think I have dreamt every scenario that you mentioned. I had one the other night and I really did need to go pee in real life. Always do. I hate the ones where the toilets are in public view. Or sometimes I dream I am in a public bathroom with hundreds of stalls and they are all full, and the ones that aren’t, are just changerooms.
    p.s. Last night I dreamed I gave birth to a frog baby (not a tadpole)

  2. I’m picking up on a scatalogical theme, here. Feels right at home-conversations about baby often revolve around the contents of his diaper.

    Closer to the point, when I am stressed out In my waking life, I often dream of having to write exams unprepared-no pencil or pen, never made it to class, forgot to study.

    Oh, happy daylight savings time. Enjoy the extra hour for us-I doubt your nephew will let us sleep in :/

  3. I have all of those bathroom dreams that you described as well Kim and I never need to actually pee when I wake up either. I found this dream specialist online who has written books on recurring dreams and one of the 41 recurring dream sturctures that she looks at is:

    Can’t find a suitable toilet!
    You are searching for a toilet, but if you do find one it is unsuitable for you to use.

    I was surprised to find that this type of dream is common enough to make the list!

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