As You Wish

“Juliet says, ‘hey it’s Romeo.  You nearly gave me a heart attack'” – Dire Straits

A few months ago, someone told me I didn’t know what love was because I didn’t like Twilight and Romeo & Juliet.

Well, missy, I don’t like Twilight because I think it’s a poor excuse for a novel – much less a series.  I heard a quote from Oprah (I believe) saying, “Can you believe this woman has had no formal writing training?”  Yes.  Yes I can.  If you like Twilight, fine.  I’m sure some of the books I enjoy aren’t your cup of tea.  We can still be friends.

And here’s my views on Romeo & Juliet:  It’s no more a tragic love story than a porn movie.

Basic Rundown

Romeo is at a party because he loves Rosaline, who is at said party.  Romeo sees Juliet and immediately loves her – which means Rosaline is off the hook, and considering the outcome, she’s the lucky one.  Oh no!  Romeo’s a Hatfield, and Juliet’s a McCoy.  Guess they better sneak around because they just can’t bear to live apart – even though they met for like 2 seconds.  They decide to get married.  Wow – a rush wedding just so they can have sex – they never end in divorce.  There’s a fight between Romeo and Juliet’s spurned.   Spurned One dies.  Oh yah, Juliet took some kind of poison to pretend she was dead – smart plan.  Smarter plan: choose a more reliable courier service.  Romeo doesn’t get the message.  Decides he can’t live without her.  Drink poison.  Dead.  But what’s this?  Juliet isn’t dead?  Oh, dang.  She sees Romeo dead and bloody and stabs herself with his dagger.  The same dagger he killed Spurned One with. It’s a good thing she got it in one go – because the mixing of blood?  That’s how you get AIDS, sister – but let’s face it: based on Romeo’s rate of going through girls, some kind of STD is likely.

I don’t even think Shakespeare considered this a love story.  But somehow in the history of Man, some wierdo  thought it was so cool, and “OMG, I wish I were Juliet.”  I’m not too sure.  If I were Juliet, I’d be dead by now, and suffering from oral herpes.  At least.  Thanks Romeo.

I just don’t see love in any of that.  Lust?  Sure.  Impulsiveness?  You betcha.  They’re doing what every tween/teen does.  Date the person mom and dad forbid them to.  It’s the thrill.

Sorry Future Honey: if my parents hate you, there’s probably a good reason, and we’ll have to rethink our relationship.

But do I know what love is?  Sure.  I’m not in love, but I know what love is.  I hate being called “love” by co-workers, but I know what love is.  I don’t often tell people I love them, but I know what love is.  And you know how I know this?  I love Crave cupcakes.

In other news, I’ve signed up for NaNoWriMo.  50,000 words in 30 days. Let’s get this party started.

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5 Comments

  1. It’s pizza love!

  2. Awesome rant. I LOVE it. 😉

  3. Hahaha so true! Oh and I also signed up for NaNoWriMo! I tried last year, but didn’t make the 50,000. I’m hoping to win this year! What kind of story are you writing?

  4. Amanda! We should be NaNo buddies! I’m thinking a spy novel – but with a twist! What about you?

  5. Totally! Are you on the regional forum at all? My novelette is a kind of sci fi/historical fiction. I can’t believe it’s already Nov 1 today! Happy novelling!


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