Brought to You By the Number 10

Heavy in Hollywood

“Dear Hollywood,  What’s the ideal weight for someone trying to be in movies?” – Weight-listed.

“Dear Weight-listed, If you have to ask, you’re too fat.” – Hollywood.

Forgive me for flogging a dead horse.

What do The Flinstones, The Simpsons, Family Guy, The King of Queens and According to Jim have in common?  The number 10.  Fat guy, skinny (usually hot) wife.  It’s not that FGs don’t get roles, but they’re predominantly the sidekick.  They don’t get the guy.  Usually.  Or, if they do get a guy, it’s someone just like them (Ever After sidekick).  The main characters find love outside their stated confines (every single romantic-comedy.  Ever.).  Where’s the FG exposing a political scandal (Monica Lewinsky aside)?  Where’s the FG arguing in a court of law?  Where’s the evil, yet wily and resourceful KGB FB James Bond has to seduce to save Queen and Country?  Ursula from The Little Mermaid doesn’t cut it, but funny anecdote for you: Grade 7.  Recess.  Some of us were hanging out between the portables.  We were talking about putting together a live-action performance of The Little Mermaid.  Guess who was chosen to be Ursula?  This girl!

One Flu Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

There’s quite a bit of fear-mongering going around our office.  Influenza season is upon us, and every year _____ tries to organize a clinic in our office.  From what I understand, at least 20 people need to sign up in order for a nurse to come out – for a fee.  Months earlier, all employees received an email asking to respond if interested in such a clinic.  At least 20 people must have done so, for it was arranged.  Today, the walls of the lunchroom, bathroom, and the hallway became littered with pro-flu shot paraphernalia.  Nothing like reading about vomiting and diarrhea while eating lunch.  I find out one person backed out of the shot, and it was too late to cancel Nurse Jackie.*  That would explain the increase in superliminal flu shot advertisements.  I’m not going to stand here – sit here, really – and say getting, or not getting the flu shot is the right thing to do – there are valid arguments for both sides of the coin, but you can’t tell me there aren’t people getting rich off people’s desire to be inoculated – and not just major retailers during the Christmas season.  Just so we’re clear: I don’t have a problem with the flu shot, I just have a problem with the tactics being employed by those who have a vested interest in selling their inoculations.  And our resident fear-mongerer doesn’t appreciate differing points of view.  If, say, I were to say “no”, in their mind, it’s because I don’t know what I’m talking about, so please read this informative brochure, because I’m so young and too immature to make a proper decision.  To them I say, “Decide this!”.  But only in my head.  It does kind of tempt me to not wash my hands after I pee for spite, but you know, that’s just gross.

Almost Paradise

One last thing: My wonderful friend, Chelsea (SailingInDreams – check out the link for her Photo-A-Day blog), has entered a competition to become a host of a travel show.  This is an incredible opportunity – not only for her, but for the people surrounding and supporting her.  Here’s how it works: She submits a short video explaining why she should become the next Paradise Hunter.  The top 10 – based on viewer’s votes – automatically move on to the next round.  Chelsea has been in the top 5 for weeks, but now is being pushed out.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know her now, you’ll know her later – she is going places in film and TV, and you can have a part in propelling her to her inevitable future.  Chelsea is an actor, a writer, and my very own creative partner.  She is awaiting funding for a short film she wrote, and will also be staring in.  I’ve also managed to get her on tap for my own project – a webisode series (stay tuned).  Voting for her takes a mere minute of your time – 5 if you watch her video, and when you see her in exotic places, you can say, “I sent her there.”  And she’ll remember you.  Vote, drop her a line, and you can be sure she’ll get back to you.

 

Fashion tip of the day:  Who says you can’t wear thong sandals with socks?

 

*You owe me $50 is the nurse is actually called Jackie

 

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. Ewewewewewewewewwwww! Socks with thongs is the start of that toe-sock feeling! *shudders* not my thing. Did you seriously do that today? It was SNOWING girl!!
    I love how the fear mongering was accompanied by the cold vs flu poster reminding you that you shouldn’t miss work just because you ‘feel’ sick 😛

  2. Kim…awesome. Totally made me laugh. Best part of Little Mermaid…when Ursula changes from the pretty girl she was magicked into, back to her old self. Watch the scene in slow motion…her boobs totally explode…ha ha ha ha!!! So wrong and yet so funny!!!

  3. The socks with thongs was a last-ditch resort. My toe still hurts in shoes, so had to improvise. Oh, and this is just a mere week from our favourite fear-mongerer saying, “I think people SHOULD stay home when they’re sick, so they don’t infect the entire office.” Riiiight.

    Lisa, you can NEVER ask me how I know this, but exploding boobs does not just happen in the cartoons. But it’s a matter of national secrecy, so mum’s the word!

  4. After writing my blog for almost 4 months, yours is TOTALLY refreshing! But my dear, don’t you have sandals that are not thongs (or flip flops or whatever you are supposed to call them now)? The sock and thong thing can’t feel much better than the shoe on the sore foot. LOVE your BLOG! Keep it up! You inspire me to be better…or maybe that is just my competitive nature coming out…hmmm. 😉

  5. […] Remember this? […]


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