The Beginning

I am a real-live fat girl.  As not seen on TV.  At the time of writing, I have no bloody clue how much I weigh, because I’m too scared to buy a scale.  But, according to my clothes, I’m 24-26.  But weird: My size 24 pants – some of them anyway – fit looser than the 26.  What’s up with that?

As everything has an impetus, here’s mine:  A good friend is getting married – June of 2011.  I found out about August, but I’ve known for a while I was going to be in the wedding party, and I knew I didn’t want back boobs, or cankles, or anything else that seems to be magnified in a bridesmaid dress.  Dresses need to be ordered by the end of November, and here I am days away from celebrating (and/or ruing) my 28th birthday on October 31 (yes, Hallowe’en, get over it), and I have nothing to show for my three months of “oh geez, I should really get started.”

I suppose that’s not true.  I stumbled through a few workouts of Billy Blanks’ Taebo Circuit.  I can’t remember when I bought it, but if I could send a note back in time, I would tell myself it’s a bit too ambitious.  Actually, if we’re sending notes back in time, I would send a note to myself every time I supersized my combo, extra-larged my blizzard and mowed through a bag of chips in one sitting, telling me to keep my big fat mouth shut!  I’m pretty sure I’d slap anyone who said, “a moment on the lips, forever on the hips”, but hello accuracy!

After I decided the tae-bo – while admittedly fun (at least laughing at the girl with the sweaty crotch) – was too much for me.  I snagged some Denise Austin workouts from my bestie.  They weren’t bad – aside from the weird eyebrow lady, and Denise’s uber cheerful “yay’s” and “you can do it'” – I enjoyed them.  Around that same time, I bought an elliptical from someone on kijiji for $60.  Solid investment.  Or so I thought.  I was positive I was Born to Run.  The morning after I got it, I woke up at 6:30, laced up my runners, strapped in the girls and went for it.  I was convinced I could do a solid 30 minutes – that I was some kind of exercise wunderkind.  Barely a minute into the run, I was gasping for air, and my upper thighs were sore.  I didn’t quite manage for the 30 minutes.  But, not to be deterred, I decided on a new course of action.  I will go 1 kilometre, or mile – whichever the measuring distance was, I was going to do 1 for a week, then 2 the next week and so on.  And I was doing it.  1 km/mi in less than 4 minutes.  I thought I was a pro.  A rubber-legged pro. But then, my elliptical broke.  While I was running.  More than likely the $60 I spent on the machine was more than it was worth, but to the Fat Girl, all it looked like was that I broke an exercise machine.  What a wonderful feeling.  So I went back to Ms. Austin.  And enjoying it again.  Then I fractured my toe.  So that was out, and for a while, I did nothing.  But I kept right on eating because being fat wasn’t enough – I’m also terrible at maintaining a budget.  Plus, like everyone in the world, I’m busy.  So, my freezer is filled with pizza pops, ground beef, homemade broth, and chicken bits.  Except I have no time to do anything with the good stuff, so it’s either pizza pops, or eating out, which drains my wallet so I can’t buy the good stuff to go with my ground beef and chicken bits.

But it’s not all bad.  Here’s a tip:  if you want to lose weight, and do toning and all that good stuff, work on your arms.  You start seeing results with that.  And results are encouraging.

So here’s my journey.  I wasn’t going to do a blog, for several reasons.  1.  I don’t have the discipline (duh!). 2. The internet is swarming with jerks, and as I get comments/giggles enough in the real world, I don’t need to be maligned by some dude in Australia*.  I’ve been yelled at by people driving by, “Lose some weight!”; discussed by teenagers, “Is your mom fatter than her?”, and told by a now ex-boyfriend’s mother, “I’m glad _____ looks past appearances.”   So, if you have any of those comments I don’t want to hear it.  Here’s something you may not know about us FGs.  We KNOW we are fat.  We KNOW we should exercise.  We KNOW we should eat better, and for the most part, most of us are already working on it.  You’re not telling us anything new.  You’re just being a major douche-bag.

Enjoy the journey.  I sort of do.

 

*That was just a random choice.  I don’t think Australians are more or less mean than anyone else.

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3 Comments

  1. You are brilliant! And I’m glad you are blogging your journey! I think you could be major encouragement to everyone whether they be a FG or not 🙂 I am SUPER excited for you and hope your toe heals soon 🙂

  2. Ok, first of all, I can totally picture you laughing at the sweaty crotch girl. Totally. Second of all, I think you are a fantastic writer! Yay!

  3. Kim… thanks for starting your blog.
    I can’t wait to write with you.


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